A Chinese Takeaway With Crackers

Do I look at things in a certain way because I am now getting old, I wonder? I don’t feel as though I am, old that is, and even though I have only just turned the age of 50 I still feel full of fun. As in the words of the great Bryan Adams, I’ll be 18 ‘til I die, but yesterday had me ranting like a real grumpy I can tell you. What was at the root of my despair? Hoe clueless some people are when using a motor vehicle on a road.

As a family, we had enjoyed an active day, as being my son’s birthday, this of course demanded that we have an outing so he could test out his new mountain bike. The effect of this was to make one somewhat ravenous, and what is better on a Saturday evening at home, albeit still only 6pm, but to get in a Chinese takeaway?

It was the Getting of the Chinese Takeaway that Started it all

Having ordered the food by phone, all that was required for me to do was to drive into town, drop the wife off outside the shop, turn the car around, pick her up and drive home. We are talking here of a journey that takes a little over 10–minutes to fully complete and which is a total distance of 3.7–miles, but just how much can happen on the road in that amount of time? I am about to give you some idea.

Upon getting into the car in my drive, and before moving off, another car pulled up outside the house 4–doors up the road. When I say it pulled up outside that house, what actually happened, the driver swung the car up on to the pavement, and leaving it so at a rather jaunty angle, he alighted his chariot and walked up his vacant drive to his front door.

To set the scene a little more clearly, I live on a housing estate and on a road that forms a crescent with small closes leading from it. Traffic is minimal, and because the road doesn’t actually lead anywhere, except to go back to the more major road where it came from. The only drivers that tend to use it are those who live there, or who are visiting.

A Quiet Road That is Wide enough to Park 4–Cars Abreast

Despite being the type of road it is, it really is quite wide between the kerbs. My point here is, why? Why oh why is it necessary for this man to park his car on the pavement? Apart from any legislative wrong–doing that may have involved, what right has he to make life difficult for those who are on foot to get passed it?

When I drove by I could see that anyone wanting to walk by the car would have to squeeze between it and a hedge, and I really mean squeeze passed it. Had that person been pushing a buggy, or a wheel chair, they most certainly would have to walk into the road. Is that fair?

Not more than 20–seconds later I had reached the end of the crescent, and turned left onto Turnfurlong Lane. This is a longish estate road and a dead straight one at that. Just as I am up to speed I saw two cars coming toward me, but some way off. On my offside, between my position and that of the approaching vehicles, were two parked cars, and these were actually parked with all four wheels on the carriageway, just for a change.

A quick assessment told me that we would all reach the parked cars at about the same time, and we were not all going to fit through the gap. Whether the lead driver of the two thought I was going to allow him through, I really can’t say. Perhaps he had just plain hadn’t seen me, but in any case, he suddenly found himself having to stand his car on it’s nose to pull up behind the obstruction he faced.

What was also notable was the fact the car following the first had to do the same to avoid hitting the back of it. Having passed by the two drivers, and upon looking back in my mirrors, I saw that both had to reverse to be able to obtain enough space to steer around the parked vehicles, simply because each had got so close!

Now I was at the junction with Wendover Way, which is a T–junction controlled by a mini roundabout and with my road joining as the upright leg of the ‘T’ of the T–junction.

Watch Out for Low–Flying Peugeot’s

Slowing right down to have a good old check to the left, as well as right (I am so glad that I had taken the time to do that), a Peugeot 106 came flying passed the front of me (left to right), clearly on a mission. Travelling at 30mph? And the rest!

I wouldn’t have been surprised if I had learned that before braking for the roundabout, that driver had been doing double the speed limit. Clearly, had I been intending to turn right instead of left and emerged onto the junction 2 or 3 seconds earlier, the Peugeot driver would not have been able to have afforded me priority.

However, now turning left, and carefully negotiating the second mini–roundabout that immediately follows the first, going straight ahead, it was now necessary to traverse a series of traffic calming road humps. Not only do I now have a Vauxhall Vectra following me, with the driver obviously fancying moving in as a lodger to occupy my boot space, but I observe a 5–series BMW coming the other way. This car was clearly well in excess of the 30mph limit, with driver bashing his suspension cruelly whilst ignoring the presence of the humps. Another head shaking moment.

500–metres later, and at the junction with the main A413 Wendover Road, which is a T–junction controlled by a mini–roundabout. Here, I needed to make a right turn onto the A413 to travel into town.

The reduction in Speed
Had to be Made Slowly to Account for Vectra Man Behind

Stopping gently, so as to cater for the would be boot space lodger still behind, and to give way to traffic streaming from the right, a BMW Mini moves through my field of view (right to left).

The female driver of the BMW Mini was steering with her left hand and drinking from a large McDonalds cup with straw held in her right. I note also that she is not wearing her seat belt. Having made my right turn safely at this mini–roundabout, and still with Vectra man feeling some urge of intimacy toward the rear of my car, I build up to the 30mph limit and settle.

What Speed Camera’s Reveal Most
is That Many People Haven’t a Clue How Fast They Are Driving

A short distance later there is a speed camera, but this holds no concern for me, as I am at 30 on the nose. However, a glance in the mirror reveals that Vauxhall Vectra Man had backed right off and is now doing about 20mph, just for the zone of the speed camera, before zooming up behind me again.

The behaviour of Vauxhall Vectra Man told me two things about him. One, he had not a clue what the speed limit for the road was, and two, he also hadn’t got a clue as to what speed he was travelling at when he came to the camera. Further evidence of his cluelessness was to follow later.

Having cleared the speed camera I can see ahead the traffic lights at the Gyratory system about 500–metres ahead. One of the land marks between me and there is the Borough Service station, coming up on the off–side. I am in a flow of traffic going towards town and there is a flow of traffic coming towards me.

Watching What is Happening in the Line of Oncoming Traffic

Within the oncoming line of traffic I saw a maroon coloured Ford Fiesta indicating to the left to demonstrate the intention to turn onto the garage forecourt. Quite appropriately, the driver of the car slows to a snail’s pace to make his turn. However, before doing so, the car following made what can only be described as a lunge toward the road centre to overtake it.

The driver of this overtaking car, as he passed the Ford Fiesta, turned his head toward that driver pulling in for fuel, with all the body language that suggested he was glaring in abject distaste at the Fiesta. As he did so he clearly revealed the mobile phone he had glued to his right ear. It is amazing how those who drive so poorly will pour so much scorn upon others who they perceive to cause them difficulty. People who live in glass houses…………!

Now on Walton Street and Heading Towards the Town Centre

I am now at the traffic lights at the entry to the Gyratory System, still with Vauxhall Vectra Man behind me, and who followed me around the junction and as I exit onto Walton Street towards the town centre. This road is a two–lane urban dual–carriageway and again this is a 30mph speed limit zone.

Due to some building works, lane–1 was coned off, leaving just lane–2 for traffic. As I approached the lane restriction I was following a Land Rover Discovery, which in turn was behind other vehicles – all flowing at 30mph. Here, Vauxhall Vectra man, still trying to occupy my luggage space, is really pushing me now. Seeing the white’s of his eyes in my mirrors, as he glared through his windscreen at me. I could tell he was getting agitated.

If I could have spoken to the guy at that point, I would have liked to ask where in the hell he thought he is was going to be able to get to, even if he did get passed me? If I had managed to sprout helicopter rotors from my roof, and take off, he would only have been in the same situation behind the Land Rover ahead of me!

The lane restriction broke 200–metres prior to the next roundabout, which is a large one, and I pulled over to lane–one in early preparation for my left exit at that junction. Rather predictably, Vauxhall Vectra Man made a bolt for freedom.

People Who Drive Badly Get so Annoyed at Others Who Don’t

Once passed me the Vauxhall Vectra driver almost lifted his rear tyres off the road as he applied heavy braking for the roundabout. By contrast, I had eased from the throttle early during my approach, and flowed through the roundabout junction, taking the exit to my left onto the ring road, all without touching the brake pedal.

Sailing passed on the inside of Vauxhall Vectra Man really seemed to irritate him, as once he was also clear of the roundabout, and taking the same exit as me (albeit from the middle lane of the three), he came hoofing passed me. By the time the next bit of road came into view he was long gone. Better in front than behind, I always say.

2–minutes later and I was in Buckingham Street, the road upon which the Chinese takeaway shop is situated. I pulled up on the taxi rank outside to let the wife out and immediately moved off again to find somewhere appropriate to wait for her return.

It was now just after 6.00pm on a warm sunny Spring evening at the end of April, and understandably, Buckingham Street was busy. This area is just off the centre of town and as the shops had recently closed for the night, late shoppers were mingling with early pub and club starters making their way to begin their evening of socialising and making merry.

As well as people crossing the street, those getting in and out of cars, there were the usual abandoned parked vehicles, the driver’s from which obviously intent on showing their defiance toward the parking restrictions. Perhaps they felt safe with the perception the wardens had clocked off for the night.

Taxi’s were jostling for position on the taxi rank and the general atmosphere was one of an awakening twilight world in which soon there would be bright lights, music and an alcohol charged fever.

All I had to do was drive from the Chinese takeaway shop, less than 100–metres to the mini–roundabout at the junction with Kingsbury Square, do a 180–degree turn before travelling the same 100–metres back again to pick the wife up with food. Having negotiated said mini–roundabout, as described, I was now pinned in position behind a row of about 5 parked cars on yellow lines to my nearside.

This bottle neck situation was aggravated by cars double parked alongside the taxi’s on the taxi rank immediately opposite, and a flow of vehicles coming toward me from between them all. Better stay put, I thought, at least until this lot has sorted themselves out, as to try and get in there with them was always going to be grief.

A vehicle passing me the other way also completed the same 180–degree manoeuvre at the mini–roundabout, as I had, but the guy in the blue Ford Fiesta following seemed to take exception to the U–turn driver not having used his indicators to signal that intention. This obviously made the Fiesta driver feel justified in shouting at the top of his voice from his open window, “Why don’t you use your f**kin’ indicators you tw**t!” This, of course, came after he had announced his forthcoming outburst of annoyance with an elongated blast of the horn.

Reflecting Upon the Antics of Captain Horn Blower in His Ford Fiesta

I got to thinking that as this guy had been following another car, and that car performed a 180–degree turn at the mini–roundabout, why should that have been a problem to Horn Blower? Yes, a signal would have been polite if given prior to the manoeuvre, but be that as it may, a vehicle leaving your path ahead at low speed, as it was, should not be a problem to you.

Could Horn Blower put his hand on his heart and solemnly say that he has never made a minor mistake such as this on the road? I very much doubt it, and I really don’t see that his loud and yob–like actions were necessary. In fact, by drawing that amount of attention to himself, as he did, looking at the case from a third party perception point of view, who was the one that ended up looking the pratt?

Had Horn Blower been following at the distance the environment and scenario required he would not have been affected by the actions of the other vehicle, so really his aggression and annoyance was born out of his own incompetence as a driver, if you really think about it.

Posh Residential Flats With an Inspiring Outlook

When it came to a break in the convoy of the world and his wife wanting to get through Buckingham Street I moved forward and slotted in well ahead of the parked cars to the nearside and across the vehicular entrance to some smart new bijous flats, complete with electrically powered wrought iron gates activated by a card–swipe entry system. Ironic really, as these smart pads had been built on land that used to be the local bus garage.

Nice outlook, I always thought. I wish I lived in a location where I had a close view of Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Express, Bamboo Chinese take away and St James’ nightclub. Anyway, the wife got in, together with an aromatic waft of what was to come later and in the carrier bag in her hand.

Let us just sit tight for a moment, as things are not quite right yet.

It was now time to pull away, but to my rear, and beyond the row of parked cars through which I had previously navigated to get to my current position, I can hear a big motor bike. There was the unmistakeable sound of an engine being revved in quick short bursts giving all the indications, even before I have seen him, the rider was going to act like a dick head.

Of course my expectations were not short of reality, as once allowed to break free from his held position, the rider gives it large ones, accelerating up through the gears at quite a ferocious rate down through what can only be described environment–wise as a valley of death. If ever there was a display of inappropriate rider behaviour that was it. It certainly was not the place to be doing what he did and I actually found myself wanting him to hurt himself – very badly!

Driving as if Being Chased, but Nowhere to go

Even after his departure from the area I was still not prepared to move, as coming up the street towards me is a car, accelerating hard with engine climbing to a high note and in a low–ish gear ratio. Having a parked car ahead of me, I would have to risk substantial damage by sticking my nose out just then.

Glancing in my door mirror I could see vehicles coming through the bottleneck to my rear, so where did chummy, still boring in from ahead, think he was going to be able go? From where I was looking (and he obviously wasn’t) there were all the indications he was going nowhere?

I watched in pity whilst a good couple of hundred miles worth of disc pads were burned away as this guy hauled in his horses to submit to the opposing flow of cars that greeted him, and which he could have seen from ages back had he had his eyes open. However, the drama was still unfolding.

Behind this car then came a seven and a half tonne refrigerated box truck, again advancing at an inappropriately high rate of speed. The driver I could see was resting his right elbow on the top of his half–open window with the corresponding hand clasping a mobile phone to his ear.

As I was certainly not going emerge from by position with all this going on, all I could do was gaze on with despair as this driver too had to take evasive action to account for the knot of traffic ahead of him. When all this madness had settled, and whilst everyone else was now trying to sort their life out, I moved off to make good my escape.

Do These People Drive This Badly all the Time?

Having managed to get away from the mayhem of Buckingham Street unscathed, this only having been achieved through what we call at Ride Drive, effective environment management methods, I thought about what I had witnessed so far. Do these people drive like this all the time, I thought? If they do, they probably see nothing wrong in what they do, as that is normal and therefore they are used to it.

Now driving back up Walton Street, I can see ahead there is the usual three–abreast formation at the traffic lights where the signals are showing red. As there is no point in driving at the back of stationary vehicles I begin to throttle back, just as a black Golf darted out from behind me, screamed passed and then barged in ahead. This was a do or die mission to gain 12–feet of tarmac this driver obviously thought would be occupied by my car.

The stupid thing was I didn’t even want his lane at the traffic lights, and as my queue was shorter, he was again to my rear within his queue.

Rather thankfully there was no other incident to report upon over the last third of a mile to get to my door, apart from the cars that my neighbour will insist on leaving in the road when he has an empty driveway he could put them on. This house is right on a sharp bend, and even though there is very little traffic, as described earlier, it is still potentially dangerous.

What Can we Learn From the Events Over the Last 3.7–Miles?

So, what do we learn from this adventure then, because really that is what it was? For a start it reinforces my perception that the standard level of driving ability in this country, on the whole, is appalling. Also, it appears to me that many who drive tend to treat the view through the windscreen with the same amount of attention to consequences as viewing their wide screen television set.

This is why they sit there swigging from a can of drink, eating a hamburger, turning their heads to talk to the other occupants of the vehicle and gabbing away on the mobile phone as they drive.

The irony of it all is that when you read the pages of the many motoring forums that occupy space on the Internet you will see they are filled with conversation threads authored by drivers moaning and complaining over and over about the ever–tightening rules and restrictions being placed upon them. Whining about how the motorist is penalised by more and more legislation.

Taking my 10–minute journey as an example of the road behaviour exhibited by the great British motoring public, is there any wonder the authorities are trying to tighten up? However, it seems that despite the prolific growth and flourishing of the forest of metal poles that adorn the roadside, each with their foliage of brightly coloured aluminium plates conveying all manner of information of perceived importance, the injury and death rate on the roads continues to grow.

This tells me that actually the present system, if there actually is one, really isn’t working, because from my point of view, the road environment, despite all the rules and tighter enforcement, is actually becoming a more threatening place in which to travel.

My belief, and some may think I am saying this because I am the principal of what is a driver training company, is that a system of better driver education and training needs to be put into place if there is to be any improvement. You wouldn’t need a lot to make a better difference either.

Most Drivers Are Permanently Driving in Fog

Take one simple element – observation. Do you realise that people who drive too fast in fog actually do so because they drive in fog every day of the year? What I mean here is that as their range of observation is so short, the fog they encounter during a winter journey doesn’t actually impede their vision, as that is only how far they look ahead on a bright summer’s day!

I will argue that if you could increase the quality of observation among drivers and riders you could reduce the road collision rate by at least 33%. Add in all the other techniques for effective driving methods and you will see an even bigger difference.

Road collisions cost this country billions of pounds, and the bill for road signs and white paint ain’t cheap either. I wonder, by comparison, what it would cost to implement a decent system of driver education and training? It seems the motoring public and the tax payer aren’t currently getting best value.

First Published April 2007

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A Chinese Takeaway With Crackers